a heart is fragile. friendships are made of glass too.

sorry for posting so long in the previous post...
im just,
lost.

i dont know who to turn to.
just that,
i feel like being in my own world.

gosh,
i knew it.
i told myself,
being alone,
takes risks.

others will think that i wanna get sympathy from them.
but im not.
im just thinking and living in my own world.

I ENJOY BEING ALONE.

who can counsel me?
myself.
if i think im sad,
i'll be sad.
if i think im happy,
i'll just be a happy! :)

see you soon.

-Kel

if you want a good mother, first you must be a good daugther.

Today,
how should i express?
Well,
Today is such a wonderful sad day.

sad or wonderful things first?
step by step.
start the whole story and you,
yourself,
judge whether which part is sad, or happy.

Well,
stayed in school from 6:45am till 6:45pm.
yes, 12 hours.
luckily in the morning got Wei Xin.
If not i bored till death di~

met a new form 1 girl,
Richeal, or sumthing like that..
but her chinese name is Wei Ling.. gua? :O

played at bball court.
unhappy stuff happened.
skip.

then went back to canteen,
saw Wei and Rine.
then bought my garlic bread + white sauce.
then talk to Wei and Rine.

told them alot of bottom-heart stories.
"dont blame others for what you dont have,
blame yourself for not affording them by your own hands."
"if you want a good mother, first you must be a good daughter."

the two sentence above,
is what i told Rine and Wei about.
its everything about what we talk for an hour plus.

German class,
saw Xin wey.
she went upstairs and came downstairs to wait for me.
[so good... :') ]
then saw Daphne.
she cut bangs.
went to the toilet to "save" her hair for her.
clipped and tied properly so it doesnt look funny.

at least she likes it :)

in german class,
told Daphne a few bottom-heart secrets.
yeah,
great talk.

then after german class,
saw hwei and cass.
then din really talk to them..

went back to class.
Emo-ed.
din talk to hwei and cass for 3 moral periods.
counseled Rine during moral class.
she's kinda upset.
cant tell why. promised her.

then sejarah,
did some class work.
copied my bro's previous works.
2 wrongs.
talk to hwei.

then almost recess,
talk to cass cuz of the sejarah teacher.
collected our books,
give them back,
and ask us to walk back infront to pass up again.

then recess,
alone.

saw melissa bringing cupcakes.
so ask for 1.
nice :)
then ate mac & cheese.
RM3.
Yi Hang and bro came up to me,
ask why am i alone.

told them i enjoy being alone.
then they went out of the school.
then rubinny, joyce,
ask me am i bailed by my friends.
i told them i enjoy being alone.

bell rang,
went back to class alone.
emo-ed.
Cheng Wey asked what happen.
told him nth happen.
Batrisyia ask.
told her the same thing.
Tracia came in my class,
ask me too.
i said nth.
just enjoy being alone.

[SERIOUSLY, MY FRIENDS DIN BAIL OR DITCH ME. I JUST CHOOSE TO BE ALONE. thanks for the concern ;) ]

My friends were really great.
they want me to join them,
but i just refuse to.
they are really kind, nice, friendly...

especially Wei, Rine,
Daphne, Xin Wey, hwei,
Cass...

well,
im not perfect.
they might not like me.

i tried to change.
just cant.
im such a failure.

well,
DONT THINK IM MISERABLE.
i can counsel others,
i can do the same to myself.
but in a different way.
im not sad, nor miserable or alone.
i just choose to be.

getting hurt by yourself,
is better than facing the betrayal of your best friend.

bball aint fun.

I thought bball would be nice but wtf?
NO! SHIT WEIH.
i went for Ko-ko today for bball training,
WHAT THE HELL?
i was the last to be picked!
no wait,
no one even picked.

there's last 2 person,
me and a form 1.
Wing Yee chose the form 1 girl,
so im fucking last.
jasmine din even pick me,
i just walk to her team.

i effing wanna cry!
gosh!
but i din cry,
just held back my tears.

theres 10 people in Jasmine's group,
9 in Wing yee's group.

Jasmine ask who DOESNT wanna play.
or just go to wing yee's team.

all my friends are in wing yee's team!
WTF?
i should have said i dowanna play.

damn upset.
i dont feel like going to bball anymore.
SHIT. IM TOTALLY UPSET NOW.
effing disappointed.

before they picked,
i was like "gosh, i hope im not the last"
EFFING DIN EXPECT THAT IM EFFING LAST.

eat shit lahh.
next year i stop ko-ko for sukan.
I HATE TO BE ACTIVE IN KO-KO.
SHIT YOU EN. _ _ _ _ _ FOR FORCING US TO JOIN KOKO.
I EFFING GIVE UP HOPE ON THIS SHIT !

i know im not perfect.

I tried my best to be close to you,
but you think im snatching ur friends? :(

i dont really feel like going back to school anymore.
school is suppose to be a fun place!
but why having so much problems?

i thought everything was okay already?
but i din know you cant forget the whole thing.
as a girl,
i dont understand you anymore.
ur minds and thoughts are more complicated than a normal girl.

is there something wrong?
i dowanna be close to anyone anymore.

its not that i dont trust you all,
its just that the more im closer,
the more jealous i get,
the more hurt i get.

sorry for being such alone.
i love to be alone.
you might think im weird,
all of you too.

but im just used to being lonely..
i really love to live in my own thoughts.
i really wanna be myself,
by being alone.

but why do all of you think i purposely wants sympathy from you all?
i just wanna be alone.
by myself.
thats the only way to make you,
to stop thinking that im copying you.

i din snatch your friends,
i din copy you.

im just being alone.
alone is my best friend.
no one is closer to me than alone..

Tried my best to understand who you really are.

Ive tried.
Did you ever give me the chance?
No.

I've try being nice to you,
and you think im snatching ur friends.
I've tried being kind to you,
and you said i just wanna be with your friends.

WAT THE EFF?
ARE THEY YOURS?
YOU BOUGHT THEM AS PET?

well,
AM I YOUR PET?
you ask me not to be with you then i must follow?
you ask me to die i must obey lahh?!

MAKAN TAHI LAHH.

you can turn black into white,
you can turn good into bad,
but you cant turn me into you.

IM NOT EVEN COPYING YOU,
you awkward girl.

who wants to copy you?
KPOP also not you create wan.

who wanna join,
join lahh.

NOT YOUR BUSINESS ALSO.

shut up and accept the fact.

NO ONE HATES ME,
THEY DO BECAUSE YOU ARE FORCING THEM TOO,
YOU BITCH.